My wife and I love Judge Judy.  We watch her TV show religiously and apparently we’re not alone, as her TV show is the highest rated daytime TV show and syndicated TV show with an audience of over 7 million people (  She also earns $47M per year due to her immense popularity, so it’s safe to say that she is quite successful in the entertainment world.  She also happens to cut across diverse demographic lines as part of her appeal.

Why do so many people love Judge Judy?  I submit to you that one of the reasons she is beloved is because she cuts through any attempt at bullshit and says the things most of us would like to say to someone who is obviously lying or fabricating a story.  If you consider what Judge Judy does on her show, she essentially conducts rapid-fire discovery in the courtroom with the plaintiff, defendant and any witnesses.  Which got me to thinking…wouldn’t it be great to have Judge Judy conduct a critical executive sales discovery call on your behalf?

Think about it, how many times have you been in a discovery meeting and the sr. executive prospect from a Fortune 100 company is either lying to you or withholding critical information from you?  Wouldn’t it be awesome to be able to call a time out, and get Judge Judy in the room to conduct the discovery and call BS on the prospect?

Here’s how I envision this playing out….

Sales rep asks Sr. exec from a Fortune 1000 prospect account: “So Jim, please tell me what the business impact would be of not securing your Big Data/Cloud/SaaS/Mobile/BYOD environments properly and experiencing a breach like at Sony Pictures recently?”

Jim’s reply: “Well Steve, it might be a bit embarrassing to the company but I don’t see any material business repercussions for us as a result of a breach.  Additionally, I’m highly confident that our Big Data/Cloud/SaaS/Mobile/BYOD environments are completely secure and can’t be hacked.”

A fire alarm suddenly sounds off and flashing emergency lights appear in the executive conference room, startling the prospect executive who looks at the sales rep as if to say what the hell is going on here…

A deep narrator type voice (think James Earl Jones) comes over the PA system in the conference room and says: “The people are real, the cases are real and the rulings are final, this is Judge Judy” …closely followed by Judge Judy’s theme music ( as she enters the conference room.  Bailiff Byrd ( swears in all the parties and lets Judge Judy know that she can commence her discovery.

Judge Judy: “Okay Jim, I’ve read your testimony very closely and let me begin by asking you again why do you think your Big Data/Cloud/SaaS/Mobile/BYOD environments are completely secure and immune from hacking or a breach?

Jim: “We’ve invested X millions of dollars in our perimeter security through technology and we have great malware on every laptop in the company.”

Judge Judy with her patented smirk: “Sir, do you really expect me to believe that your company is secure? Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining!  Do you understand me?”

Jim stammers: “Well Judge Judy, I didn’t mean to imply that we are completely secure. I mean no company is completely secure.”

Judge Judy: “Well that is exactly what you testified to earlier when Steve the Sales Rep asked you that question.  Do you want me to replay the video tape so you can hear yourself saying that you felt like your company was completely secure?”

Jim stammering again and sheepishly” “Well, um no Judge Judy, that’s not necessary.  I suppose I may possibly have said that earlier when Steve the Sales Rep asked me the question.”

Judge Judy emphatically: “Have you ever heard me say that if it doesn’t make sense, it’s not true?”

Not waiting for an answer and growing increasingly irritated with Jim, Judge Judy continues her discovery:  “Of course you have because your answer doesn’t make any sense at all.  I love the truth.  If you don’t start telling me the truth you’re going to be eating your shoes!”

Jim: “Okay, okay I don’t feel secure that my company is secure.  Can I be honest with you?  We’re screwed if any hacker wants to attack us.  We don’t have a handle on our privileged users and what data they can access.  We have contractors and people outside our control that can access our data and crown jewels.  We’ve been operating in a complete state of denial for years.”  He breaks down hysterically crying.

Judge Judy: “Okay Steve the Sales Rep, I rule in your discovery favor.  And to Jim the Sr. Exec:  “Consider yourself having been reasonably humiliated in front of ten million people. Now, without saying another word, turn around, and find the exit. Goodbye.

We can dream, can’t we?  This is every sales rep’s fantasy prospect discovery dream:-) Please share your version of a sales discovery call with Judge Judy.